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profile Cecilia Lanny Winata Aliases: Lanny/Cecilia/Xenopus Location: Singapore Occupation: Grad Student, National University of Singapore Interests: Zen, Martial Arts, Japanese Culture and philosophy, Life Sciences, Religious philosophy, Christianity Hobbies: exploring new places, learning new things, walking (preferably outdoors), cooking, eating good food, home making, swimming, sea sports, anime (Naruto being the best by far), good music to accompany my different moods, and good books to read Schools/Past Affiliations: TK Bunda Hati Kudus, Jakarta (Kindergarten); SD Bintang Kejora, Jakarta (Primary 1-2, 4-6); Ironside State School, Brisbane, Australia (Primary 3-4); SLTP Santa Ursula, Jakarta (Secondary School); SMU Santa Ursula (High School); Indonesia International Taekwon-Do Federation (Jelambar, Jakarta); National University of Singapore archives November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 April 2006 May 2006 August 2006 October 2006 January 2007 August 2007 January 2008 March 2008 June 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 September 2009 affiliates 5h4d0w's Lair My old Friendster blog credits skin by: Jane |
Monday, March 16, 2009 @ 9:56 PM
Immortality? It's been too long since I've written anything for myself, thanks to the piling research and the thesis which I'm supposed to be handing in pretty soon. I've been rather obsessed with moving higher in my research, especially when my life has been more or less 'stable' for the past two years. Before that I often attribute my lack of achievements due to personal circumstantial reasons, which is kind of lame, but still, I couldn't really help it at that time. Basically, I want to do a high impact research. Much higher than what I am doing now. I want to publish my research in high impact journals, I want to be able to unveil new things in science, and I want to be somebody. The reason being, that I wanted something I can hold on to for myself. I haven't been able to forgive myself for things I have neglected and failed to observe, that I had to endure certain shit from several people around me. That's why I feel that having to work even harder is a punishment I can cast upon myself. A more prominent reason for my ambitions would be that I really hate being at the mercy of certain people, especially in my personal life. I feel that I wanted to prove myself to these people, or perhaps I just wanted more power for myself to instill some respect or maybe even fear in these people. It's evil and retarded, I know. But I can't help being amused at the thought. Anyway, I see this as my own desire for immortality. I think being immortal is cool. Not in the context of lifetime of course, but more of ideas and world-changing actions. In a good way. So that people will remember you (like what Brad Pitt's character, Achilles, in the Troy movie said). In fact, if I ask who was the richest guy during 18th century, how many people would know? But if I asked who was the guy who came up with the theory of gravitation during the 18th century, I think more people would know the answer. And so I am left to ponder on how I would achieve everything I want. 0 Comments: |