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profile Cecilia Lanny Winata Aliases: Lanny/Cecilia/Xenopus Location: Singapore Occupation: Grad Student, National University of Singapore Interests: Zen, Martial Arts, Japanese Culture and philosophy, Life Sciences, Religious philosophy, Christianity Hobbies: exploring new places, learning new things, walking (preferably outdoors), cooking, eating good food, home making, swimming, sea sports, anime (Naruto being the best by far), good music to accompany my different moods, and good books to read Schools/Past Affiliations: TK Bunda Hati Kudus, Jakarta (Kindergarten); SD Bintang Kejora, Jakarta (Primary 1-2, 4-6); Ironside State School, Brisbane, Australia (Primary 3-4); SLTP Santa Ursula, Jakarta (Secondary School); SMU Santa Ursula (High School); Indonesia International Taekwon-Do Federation (Jelambar, Jakarta); National University of Singapore archives November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 April 2006 May 2006 August 2006 October 2006 January 2007 August 2007 January 2008 March 2008 June 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 September 2009 affiliates 5h4d0w's Lair My old Friendster blog credits skin by: Jane |
Wednesday, October 01, 2008 @ 8:59 PM
On becoming too complacent Last night, as I was preparing my schoolbag before going off to bed, I checked my mobile phone, and saw that I had one missed call and one sms. I cursed myself for keeping my mobile inside my bag, for the whole day, in silent mode. Even more dissappointed with myself was I when I found out that it was my close relatives who called and messaged me to ask whether they could come by our house that night. I so missed an honor from them that they actually wanted to come all the way to our place instead of just asking us to meet up for dinner at a location convenient for them. I hadn't really forgiven myself until this moment. I am so angry with myself. I am so angry because I see myself as becoming something I really hate: being too dependent on others. I guess life has been too easy for me for the past one or two years, and I had somehow become too soft. I realized that I had become too dependent on my other half in many aspects of my life. One example is the mobile phone. Since I am very comfortable at home, spending my time with my loved ones, I tend to not give a damn of who may try to contact me. I noticed my habit of moving my mobile into my bag (which I normally put inside my pocket whenever I am outside on my own) as soon as I meet my other half after work, because I always thought whoever might call me could not be as important as my own loved ones. When I am at home, I even tend to forget that I had a mobile phone. And that is really not good because it is (almost) the only means by which people can reach me. Sure we have a residential line, but as a student growing up in a foreign university, we tend to be more... uh... mobile, moving from one hostel to another almost every year. Therefore the mobile phone is the only thing that could accommodate our mobile nature, and hence people are more used to reach us through the device. After this incident, my resolution is to be more aware of my surroundings, and to constantly assess the possibilities of things happening outside the comfort zone of my family. Another area which has been plagued with my complacency is regarding finances. I never really bothered to organize my finances or think a lot about it. My idea of savings were simple: spend as little as I can. As I naturally don't have the tendency to fancy beautiful clothings or accessories, or high-tech gadgets, this thing has never really been a major problem to me. However, as I develop myself, have a family, meet more people at school/work, I started to realize the importance of looking presentable to a certain extent. As such, I spend more on fashion nowadays, although trying to keep it to a minimum. Nevertheless, it was my other half who does the recording of our spending each month. I never really know the dynamics of our family's finances, how much we save or lose each month. And that is definitely not good. I guess I always feel too safe when I am with people I love, and who cares for me too. I have to admit that this is one of my biggest flaws. I realize the dangers of this habit. And I really hope that I can make a change before I ultimately turn into a tai-tai (a Singaporean term for a married woman who does not like to work, has no job, lives off her husband's money, likes to spend on vanity stuff and exchange gossips with others of her kind). Yucks! Please note that the definition of a tai-tai only includes a certain proportion of housewives which has the characteristics as such. I do think being a housewife is cool too, only if its done seriously. I do not exclude the possibility of myself becoming one (although it would be one of my least preferable arrangement), and if I have to be a housewife, I vow to take it extremely seriously. Back to the main topic, I hope that this post would also serve as a reminder for myself that I have to regain control of my own life and be independent to a certain extent, at least regarding my own issues and belongings. 0 Comments: |