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profile Cecilia Lanny Winata Aliases: Lanny/Cecilia/Xenopus Location: Singapore Occupation: Grad Student, National University of Singapore Interests: Zen, Martial Arts, Japanese Culture and philosophy, Life Sciences, Religious philosophy, Christianity Hobbies: exploring new places, learning new things, walking (preferably outdoors), cooking, eating good food, home making, swimming, sea sports, anime (Naruto being the best by far), good music to accompany my different moods, and good books to read Schools/Past Affiliations: TK Bunda Hati Kudus, Jakarta (Kindergarten); SD Bintang Kejora, Jakarta (Primary 1-2, 4-6); Ironside State School, Brisbane, Australia (Primary 3-4); SLTP Santa Ursula, Jakarta (Secondary School); SMU Santa Ursula (High School); Indonesia International Taekwon-Do Federation (Jelambar, Jakarta); National University of Singapore archives November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 April 2006 May 2006 August 2006 October 2006 January 2007 August 2007 January 2008 March 2008 June 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 September 2009 affiliates 5h4d0w's Lair My old Friendster blog credits skin by: Jane |
Sunday, September 14, 2008 @ 10:25 AM
Love is a verb I should consider myself blessed to have found a man who loves me. We only spent 3 months of courtship, and yet I said yes when he proposed to me on my birthday that night. Our togetherness, and the marriage announcement shortly after, seemed to have caught many of our friends by surprise. A friend asked me once, sometime after our wedding, what made me so sure that it was him. I didn't really put it into good words at that time even though I knew the answer. If asked the same question now, I guess my answer would be that there were basically two main factors. The first was that it's a miracle that I could find a man who shared so many similar interests with me, starting from our affinity to nature stuff, our sense of aesthetics, our political and religious views, our obsession with Anime, our interests in martial arts, our obsession with furry creatures, our quirky habits, and many more. The second factor would be that I have chosen to love this particular person, and I have decided to commit to this decision. As simple as that. I guess both of us had to thank Father R.A. from HCC for his enlightening talk on God's love. One of his sentences I remembered clearly was: "...Love is a decision, it is a verb... you decide to love someone". I remembered that night, the two of us were not together yet, but we had spent a considerable amount of time together. Although I hadn't developed a strong feeling for him at that time, there was a sense of security and comfort whenever he was around. I considered him a good person, and a good companion and that was about it. We weren't even sitting at the same pew in the church during that talk. I was sitting together with my bible study group, and I told him to come if he was interested. But I didn't really bothered to look out for him. However, he came, and listened, and we found each other at the end of the talk. Ever since that time, I guess both of us somehow decided to let things take its course. Love is a decision after all, isn't it? So it shouldn't matter who it is we love, or what may happen. I had a gut feeling that he was falling for me, so each time we spent together, I would take the opportunity to know him more, to find out whether I can live with this man which God sent accross my path (yes, I believe in God eventhough I'm a scientist). One important cue which made me so sure that I truly loved him was (contrary to common perceptions) because the feeling wasn't so strong since the beginning. It wasn't something which striked my heart or caused me sleepless nights dreaming about him, and the likes. I can't really describe it properly, but the closest thing would be that the feling gradually developed, starting for my respect towards him due to the interests and views we share, which became an affinity due to the pleasant times we spent with each other, following which was the feeling of security and warmth whenever he was around. My previous relationships started with strong infatuations towards the person. Infatuations die out eventually, and it was what people would call blind 'love', at the end of which, I was left with disillusionment and sadness. Towards the day he finally confessed his feelings towards me, I was quite ready to decide that I wanted to try it out. I even had an answer formulated inside my head. Of course, there were a few issues we needed to settle, but we finally made the decision to love, and promised to each other that we will give all of ourselves to it. Thus was the beginning of our official courtship. It turned out that three months were enough for us to decide that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. At least for me, I have made the decision, and I gave my best. I should say that I had never even dared to dream of a relationship which went so smoothly, which was filled with understanding and respect towards each other, which was how our relationship was. I guess we brought out the best of each other. And as if it is the opposite trend compared to my previous relationships, afterwards, those feelings described as romantic feelings only got stronger. When we announced our marriage, everyone thought we were crazy. Our friends looked at us with doubting eyes, expecting us to crash and burn anytime soon. Perhaps they were right, and we were just lucky to have found our match made in heaven. But one thing we knew is that we have a common understanding on how to love (in theory), and that we had made the decision to love and had promised to respect each other and to give our best. I guess that was why I had so much faith in our relationship. I used to believe in love as it was often described in fairy tales and movies, and I've always thought that pre-arranged marriages was a curse. I guess now I know why those marriages can work. It is in the decision to love and respect each other unconditionally. The wisdom of the ancients. Our generation is exposed to so much freedom, and hence, abundant choices. Perhaps that was why the common perception of love nowadays is as a 'thing', a feeling which came out of thin air. 'Love' is often regarded as a prerequisite for people to be together. I guess they missed the point. 0 Comments: |